Like many parents, I’m often concerned about the effect TV advertising has on my children. Now, this isn’t simply me being tightfisted and worrying about the ‘pester factor’ when trying to do a supermarket shop (“Daddy, can we have a Barbie? Can we have a water cannon? Can we have a Black & Decker chainsaw?”), but just what messages the advertisers are subliminally putting into their suggestible little heads? (more…)
I love adverts for “miracle” baldness cures. They’ve fascinated me since I was a child, chiefly because my dad was convinced I’d be a slap-head by the time I was 19. In fact, everyone was convinced of this, mainly because my dad was very convincing – and talkative.As a teenager, I “articulated” these deep fears in an appallingly-drawn cartoon strip entitled The Onset, in which a bald man, short on confidence and money, goes to buy a toupee. Looking at the available range, including “The Elvis” and “The Jimmy Savile”, he has to settle for the cheapest syrup in the shop – “The Pedal Bin”, a horrid, nasty rug made out of two Brillo pads, strung together into the shape of a comb over. (more…)
JOHNNIE CRAIG GOES WITHOUT MODERN TECHNOLOGY
(From Evening Herald HQ article “Cheap Tricks”, 16th April 2009)
Day one: I wake up to my youngest daughter singing Barbie’s annoyingly catchy dirge (I Feel) Connected. Barbie is, of course, the ultimate consumer chick, but we’re having none of that this weekend.
Our challenge is to have three days connected to nature, away from mod cons and money grabbing. Back to basics, if you will. Children don’t need to understand recessions, you can’t moan that the Government’s emergency Budget was designed to screw us all into penury – it just requires a collective change of tactic. So, we’re at their grandmother’s isolated home in the [English] countryside. It’s the ideal place to experiment with frugality; no shops, no internet or mobile phone signal, and the telly and DVD player are conveniently “broken”. Daddy’s iPod is nowhere to be found either. All we have is the great outdoors and the limits of our imaginations. (more…)
Here’s a fun drinking game for any housebound people (e.g. the elderly, the unemployed, freelance hacks or waiters actors) sitting listening to the wireless of a morning/afternoon. Your drink of choice could be anything at all – Vodka, Mi Wadi, tea, Jeyes Fluid, the floor’s the limit, really.
The rules are simple enough. (more…)
The Irish government limps from one crisis to the next and what the country needs more than anything is a strong opposition breathing down its neck. Unfortunately, we have Enda Kenny. He might be able to replace his namesake Pat on The Late Late Show for the sake of wooden continuity but, as a politician and credible contender for the office of Taoiseach, he’s the invisible man. However, Enda’s future-proofing salvation may be at hand. Just supposing American actor Victor Garber ever wanted to run for President, and was in any way afraid of being assassinated, he could wheel in our Enda as a body double. My only difficulty, like any would-be assassin’s, would be working out if they are actually different people – well, has anyone actually seen them together?
Considering I watch too much daytime TV, I’m appalled that I didn’t think of this. There I was, flicking through magazines in the Doctor’s surgery (there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s just easier and more comfortable than flicking through magazines in Eason’s), and I came across this piece of invaluable advice in Woman’s Way’s Letters Page:
“I am writing with a suggestion… for soap manufacturers. I think they should make smaller tablets of soap. In doing so, they would encourage small children to wash their hands. Smaller bars would benefit grannies and grandads with arthritic hands. So, how about it soap manufacturers? Margaret Ann, Co Kerry“
It’s perfectly true, Margaret Ann, I mean soap is way bigger than it used to be or needs to be. The total opposite to Creme Eggs, sadly.
