Crazy world, crazy guys

Halloween guises suit some people more than others, but surely none better than Aslan.  The Dublin band “rocked” Trim during the festivities while dressed as a rather convincing  jazz sextet, ”accordion” to this photo in the Meath Post.

Well, I’ll be bugguered

Great crime prevention advice for the good burghuers (sic) of Monaghan in this weekend’s Post.  Perhaps the writer of this headline is obsessively over-fond of one my favourite crap jokes:

Easy Food Recipes of the Month!

As I’ve mentioned before, I have a slight weakness for Easy Food magazine, the monthly step-by-tiny-step guide for novices of the fine culinary arts of tin opening, bread browning and kettle operating. 

The October ‘Halloween Special’ contains some appropriately horrifying dishes with which you can easily ruin even the most voracious of appetites. But before we get all complicated, let me introduce to their delightful recipe for Ham And Cheese Croissants. 

ICTU-three-four, ICTU-three-four…

Oxymoron alert – there are astonishing signs of progress in the trade union movement, according to this week’s thrilling edition of Industrial Relations News (a.k.a. Workshy Whingers’ & Malingerers’ Time-Wasting Pamphlet). 

In a story about a brainstorming session ahead of the next ICTU-led wave of protest campaigns, under the headline ‘Away day’ session as Congress unions plan next move, IRN reports that “some union leaders take the view that marches are a thing of the past’.  Unfortunately, this appears to be more down to inertia or a lost sense of direction rather than a glut of new ideas:

Cartoon Cobblers

I’ve often wondered what sort of person, in 2009, goes into Dublin city centre to buy a pair of shoes based on a drawing they’ve seen on the back page of The Irish Times.  You all know the shop, I’m sure.  It’s an impossibly quaint method of advertising, from a time way before such mod cons as pocket calculators, fondue sets and Soda Streams.

So, do you know anyone who has ever gone into that shop, ripped back page corner of The Times in hand, looking for that particular shoe?  If so, did the illustration and the reality actually bear any resemblance to each other? 

Heifer Whines Could Be Human Cries

Taking a rather different tactic than normal farming publications – which, regardless of economic climate, tend to feature rural types in flat caps and wellies wielding placards about whatever happens to be pissing them off about their endlessly miserable line of work – the cover of the latest issue of Irish Country Living (a supplement within Irish Farmers Journal) features a cheerful looking, and rather young, couple smiling merrily at the sheer joy of life.  Sun, sea, sand and no slurry to be seen or smelt (or to poison rivers) for miles.  Not even a hint of the ruddy-cheeked giveaway signs of climate fatigue or the furrowed, ploughed brows of being “constantly” “persecuted” by the government, the supermarkets, the EU, the Taliban and Somalian pirates.  But wait, is the lass in the picture wearing a badge?  What does it say?  “Miss Inis Meáin 2009″, or something? 

The Future’s Bright…

Now, I was toying with the notion of running a little competition (entirely for my own amusement, you understand) to find the most orange-looking person in Ireland.  However, I stumbled upon the winner immediately during a routine glance at the  Saturday edition Cork’s Evening Echo.  

Perfect Coffee Break Read

In the spirit of using free papers or junk mail to prevent awkward or indelible stains forming on your desk or table, Meath now has a publication tailor-made for that very purpose.  It’s a joy to discover The Meath Coaster,  a venerable monthly journal so popular (distributed to over 6,200 homes), it always seems to be running out.   As they say themselves: “The area is growing so rapidly there never seems to be enough copies!”   It’s full of local interest stories, anxious local politicians and there’s even a local problem page, ‘Ask Bernice’.  However, it’s as a coaster that it really comes into its own.

“Unsavoury” Lay-by Closed in Co Tipperary

The Midland Tribune feels compelled to report (on page 2 of its April 22nd issue) that a lay-by on the N7 at Toomevara in Co. Tipperary has been temporarily closed by North Tipperary County Council due to reports of “homosexual activity”. There’s no deliberation over terms such as ‘lovers’ lane’ or any such thing, these are “homosexual” (and there’s not one use of the word ‘gay’ in the entire piece either) people, after all, and the tone is very much one of exasperated disapproval. Fortunately, the article is so littered with couldn’t-make-it-up comedy and innuendo, there’s little point in getting as steamed up as a windscreen in a lay-by. It’s hard to know where to begin, really, so here are some nice quotes from the article itself:

We All Go Down Together

Can any teacher, or other public servant for that matter, actually come up with a better argument than this excellent analysis from Kevin Myers, published in today’s Irish Independent?  I can’t open the papers without getting riled these days. Yes, I think the government is deplorable, and could not be more irate with people who voted Fianna Fail at the last election, either because they weren’t old enough to think for (or, by extension, feed) themselves, or for “I’m all right, Jack” self-interest – well, like all of Thatcher’s loyal voters who fell on hard times during the early ’90s recession in the UK,  ’ha ha ha’,  if you’re reaping what you sowed.